I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
