Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
