I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
