Nicole vs. Life
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
