My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
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