apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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