Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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