After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
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i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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