It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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