my mouth tastes like poor choices
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
