i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
