you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
