like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
