woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
