hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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