Whod you bang
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
