Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
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