a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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