so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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