There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
