Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
