great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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