definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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