Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize