We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
