I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
