so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
