Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
