I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
