dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
