Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
