She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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