Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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