the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
