I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
