Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
