my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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