You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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