I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
