fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
