It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
