Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Randomize
