...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
