Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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