I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
