Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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