i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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