Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Pooping to opera.
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