If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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