i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
