She said her name was "party"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Hippo gnu deer
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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