my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
