she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
