I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
