I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
