you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
