My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
ttyl tear gas
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
