When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
