True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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