Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
