friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
