Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
