When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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