her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
