Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He shit in the fireplace
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