i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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