woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
