I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i drank out of a bidet.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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