I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
