It's Friday. Sex?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
