Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
