im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
