what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Randomize
