so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
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They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
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Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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