i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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