Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
