Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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