It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
