I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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