I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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